mmm...fooooood...

Today is Connor's birthday! Whenever we had a birthday growing up my mom would tell us what we SHOULD eat for our birthday based on what she ate for dinner the night before we were born. For instance, Ed should eat Pizza Hut. I should eat Taco Bell, Beka should eat mashed potatoes, and Dave should eat A&W. I remember these instances because we were told every year on our birthday the story of our birth and what Mom had for dinner.

So, this morning I was thinking about going to Red Robin for Connor's birthday dinner. I chose this because it is MY favorite place. I don't think Connor cares all that much. My mind went to what I "should" eat on this day, though. I guess I should have Wendy's. I had that wonderful apple pecan chicken salad while I was in labor with Con-Man. Then I didn't think I would be able to remember the other kids' "birthday" meals. I did remember, though. I remember with great clarity having Javier's the night I went into labor with Megan 8 and a half years ago. I had two enchiladas and a taco and probably ate every bit of it! Then I sat down and thought about Kayleigh. Since my water broke with her that morning I had to remember her birthday lunch. I had Arby's. Mozzerella sticks and a beef and cheddar. These meals are ingraved on my brain and I don't think I could forget them if I tried.

So, where did this train of thought lead me? Well, I just thought about how emotionally attached to food I am. I can remember my mom making these homemade cakes growing up. I remember the way the homemade frosting tasted. I remember one birthday getting so sick because I ate so much taco bell and ice cream sundaes for my birthday. I remember the way Halloween made me feel and going through all the candy we trick or treated for. I also remember what it was like when we didn't have enough to eat. I remember the horrible pain in my stomach because we were living off of salads and butter sandwiches. I always thought that my emotional attachment to food came from those times when we didn't have any. I remember waiting until late at night to eat and my mom went and got McDonald's for us. I don't know about anyone else, but it had been all day for me with no food. I was like 9 years old. That happy meal was so good I wanted to cry. No one had to tell me to stop talking and start eating that night! I remember those times when we had food completely from the garden for dinner. Those were great meals, too!

I can't eat like I used to. I am really happy I can't eat like I used to! I hope I can never eat that way again. I just don't know how to sever those attachments. I don't want to be an emotional eater. I want to focus on the foods that physically make me feel good and hope that those foods will take over as my favorites. The emotion that food illicits in me is massive and I know it is because I attach so much meaning to the food and what went on in my life when I ate it. That is why I can remember all of those meals from being in labor. They don't let you eat when you are in labor, so you know I had my mind on what the last meal was when I was doing all of that huffing and puffing. So, tonight when I go out for Connor's birthday I am going to give him the talk about how he came to this world. I will probably include what I ate. It's just a part of the emotions of that day as any other details. I hope to form more memories around food, just different food now.