Well, shoot.

I went to the rheumatologist! He threw me a curve ball that I was not expecting. I have Lupus. The doctor included Lupus tests in my arthritis testing and it came back positive. I though rheumatoid arthritis, but not Lupus. It turns out they are pretty similar in nature and that it doesn't change a lot. I may have had it for a while. The worry with Lupus is kidney stuff. Well, I had a really bad kidney infection last year, so that may have been a clue. That and my finger joints were stiff even back then. The pain in my fingers didn't start until this year, but they were not as nimble as last year. So, I have some medication that is supposed to help. I was told by the pharmacist that it could cause some big time dizziness, so take it at bed time and be careful getting out of bed in the morning. That's cool. I hope it works. I get more blood work done in 5 weeks. I go back to the rheumatologist in 6 weeks.

This past weekend I went on my yearly retreat. It was a TON of therapy. I am proud to say that I only cried once! They wore me down with little sleep and letting people tell these epicly LONG stories that go on and on and never seem to end! Anyway, one of the things I worked on was how I downplay everything that is going on with me. I thought it was arthritis back then, but I still downplayed it. I down play any huge stressors in my life. I am really trying to take this diagnosis seriously, but it's hard for me because I start feeling like a wimp! I also have this weird thing that my mom tries to latch on to whatever is going on with me and make hers worse. Not fun! So, I get diagnosed and end up comforting my mother? I am seriously trying not to do that! I have to focus on me and what this means for me and my life. Does it change a lot? Well, no. Could it change how I live my life? Yep, it could, but not right now. I can manage it and even though I have a massive lack of energy and I deal with some pain daily, I think I can manage it well. I hope this medication works. Then there isn't a lot I have to do. Just take some more pills at night!

Ok, there it is! Lupus doesn't even know who it's messing with. I will kick it's ass...after a nap maybe! :)